I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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