You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
