and i looked up. we had an audience...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
