If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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