hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
