sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
