You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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