Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
