Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize