My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
