Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
