so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
