im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
