I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
