You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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