I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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