My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
