i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize