So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
