The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You made out with two different species that night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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