Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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