i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
