dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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