Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
