I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
