standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
