I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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