apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
