The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
