Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
