I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
