On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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