The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
