I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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