I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
