The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
