I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
