I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
