I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
