I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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