MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
