I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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