could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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