Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
