I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pants are for mortals
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
