I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
