He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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