She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
