just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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