You don't have asthma, your pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
