i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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