I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
