you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
