The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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