hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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