my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
