This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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