i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
