I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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