I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We got so high we made milksteak
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
