Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize