feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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