The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
