i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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