At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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