Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
