dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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