he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
