Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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