Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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