Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
