so that wasnt chicken after all
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
