i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
