I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
