Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
