he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
