I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
