i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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