Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
