i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
