Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize