theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
