My room smells like vodka and shame
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
