Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
