OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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