1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
