I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
third nipple confirmed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
